“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”  William Shakespeare


Next month my husband Eric and I will have been together for twenty-eight years. We’ve reached a point in our relationship where I’m thinking something, and he’ll suddenly bring up the subject I was thinking of. Or we speak the same sentence at exactly the same time–like the other night at dinner which really freaked out our daughter. “Creepy.” We know what irritates each other and we know how to resolve conflicts fairly easily or in other words, Eric knows exactly what to say to appease me. “Would you like me to call someone to repair the fence or would you like to?”  Translation, I care that you’re telling me about the broken fence and I’m willing to help make sure it gets repaired. He calls it his “training.” Really what it is is seeing things from another’s point of view and not fighting against it but accepting it and working toward better communication. It takes years of practice!


When I was a teen, I knew I wanted to get married one day however I made a promise to myself that I’d never live an unhappy life with someone. I’d get divorced before I’d accept unhappiness. What I didn’t understand was the amount of effort relationships take. In my young adult mind marriage was happily ever after, white picket fence not: oh my god if you don’t stop playing that guitar while I’m trying to talk to you I’m going to scream! The I love you, but sometimes I really need my space was confusing to me. Luckily, I had a group of friends who taught me that some days I had to be committed to the commitment. I could give myself time to refocus and then talk things through with Eric. Ultimately it was our love for each other, the two of us wanting to be committed to the commitment, and our effort toward the relationship that has kept us best friends, husband, and wife, for all these years.

Effort can be a huge pain in the ass because it’s work. What we’re willing to work for, what matters most, when effort is put forth for a length of time, success follows. Whether it’s a relationship, a career, school, exercise, eating healthy, any goal we set takes continuous effort.

“…a surplus of effort can overcome a deficit of confidence.” Sonia Sotomayer


This new year as I think about my goals I’m aware of the work that must follow. It’s the work that makes the journey great. It’s the work that stretches us out of our comfort zone and challenges us to create what we wish for. It’s the work that makes us stronger by overcoming difficult days.  Every day we make choices. Those choices bring us closer or further away from our goals. What we want to be, what we dream for our lives isn’t in the stars it’s in our hearts. We hold our destiny inside ourselves.


“You are the one that possesses the keys to your being. You carry the passport to your own happiness.” – Diane von Furstenberg


Happy 2018! I hope you make all your dreams come true!

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