It begins as an uneasiness that I push down and pretend is not there. I busy myself with chores. This time I cleaned our entire garage in four hours. That night when I laid down to sleep, proud of my accomplishment, there was the question sitting like a rock in my gut waiting for an answer. Taunting me, telling me I could clean for weeks and never escape until I faced it. The question? What did I have to say about New Years? I rolled over and went to sleep having no idea. The next day I tackled loads of laundry and more miles on the treadmill and elliptical than I had…