Acceptance. A Letter to Teens.

We all want to feel accepted. Acceptance is love. We want to feel connected to others and not separate. We want people to like us, and depending on our life circumstance, whether we have good parents or role models in our life, a safe environment, opportunities available to us, they all combine to form our self-perception. Do we see ourselves as loved? Do we love ourselves? To all the kids who have a parent who loves you for exactly who you are–you’re lucky. It’s up to you to be a good friend to those who don’t.

Some kids have parents that beat them. Some kids have parents that leave them. Some kids have parents that don’t accept who they really are on the inside despite how they look on the outside. Some kids have parents that sexually abuse them. Some kids have parents that crush their spirit. Some kids are taken from their parents because of drugs or alcohol. Some kids grow up in the foster care system. And some kids are in orphanages never having met their parents. All of these kids, all over the world, are challenged at an early age to believe in themselves, to love themselves even when there may be a lack of love and acceptance in their life. It’s a difficult journey because parents play a crucial role in a child’s self-esteem.

Let me tell you a secret. The parents, like the ones mentioned above, that hurt their children, are the parents who are in the most pain. They feel less than. They feel unloved, most likely because someone treated them the same way when they were young, and even though their body grew, their soul didn’t and thus they continue the cycle, causing more pain.

There are some parents who have religious beliefs, and those beliefs are so ingrained in them that even though they love their child, they believe God or Conversion therapy will change their child into what they want their child to be. I believe these parents really do love their children, but they put their beliefs first. They feel empowered as a parent, knowing what’s best for their child. What they don’t fully understand is that the child they are raising is an individual on their own journey and belongs to no one. Unfortunately, this realization doesn’t hit some parents until their first child has turned 18 and has gone off to college or moved away from home. Parents can get caught in their own ego, their perception of how their child’s behavior may reflect on them, control, and religious doctrine, instead of focusing on love for their child, and the love and acceptance that is in their religion.

There are lots of people who practice a religion who are able to parent in love and acceptance, but there are some who don’t. To all the teens out there who feel unaccepted by their parents…I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re hurting and I want you to know that there are a lot of us parents and non-parents who hurt with you when we hear of your pain. There are teachers, parents of your friends, social workers, neighbors, people who can help you.

Being who you are can be difficult especially if you’ve been told or made to feel as though what you are is less than. I’m writing to tell you that what you are is worthy. You are a light in this world and despite your circumstances right now you must believe in yourself and know that there are people who care about you. There is so much life to be lived, and whatever you’re going through now is making you stronger for the future. Believe in yourself. Find the love that is within you. You are love and you are loved.