Saying Goodbye

The storm’s been brewing for a year. I’ve seen it off in the distance. I’ve felt its presence every day. It’s the storm of change. Most days I’ve ignored it, but now it’s overhead, ready to blow the past away forcing me to start anew.

My youngest, my son, Kai, leaves for college tomorrow. I asked him if he was excited. He hesitated. He felt the enormity of the upcoming change, the anxiety, the what if in the uncharted. “I’m excited, but all I’ve ever known is here.” I froze. I could feel the tears rising. I pushed them down. My mind flashed back to when he was in first grade. I drove him to a classmate’s birthday party. As we walked to the front door, he suddenly grabbed my hand. It was then I realized he was just like me when it came to new adventures…a little wary of them. At six I knew how to help. I could hold his hand and tell him he’d have fun. At eighteen I found myself explaining that change is difficult, saying goodbye to the only life you’ve known is extremely difficult. However, letting go and starting over can be exhilarating if you let it. My advice wasn’t just for him. It was for me too.

I thought since I’d already been through dropping my daughter off at college I’d be a pro at this. I wouldn’t feel as lost as I did back then. Not so. I know that I will come home to two empty rooms. I will see moms and little ones in the grocery store and wonder how it could possibly be over for me. I will see school buses and miss our crazy, busy days driving to after school activities. And for the first time in twenty-two years, I will not hear the daily call of, “Mom!” MOM three letters that hold so much love.

What an incredible journey it’s been.