New Beginnings

It was six forty-five am. Drum beats echoed across the dark parking lot packed with cars.

Wobble baby, wobble baby, wobble baby, wobble! Students danced in the courtyard as the sun lit the sky. Giant hand-painted signs: Class of 2018! Class of 2019! decorated the lawn.

I stood outside the second-floor classroom door and watched in awe of the dancers. They were brave. They were the ones who would charge into adulthood listening for the rhythm of life, always ready to dance. Deep down I knew that I’d been the wallflower watching, wishing, afraid to drop everything and join in on the dance.

Tears welled in my eyes. Six short years ago in that same courtyard, it was my daughter who was up before dawn making signs with her friends and cheering at pep rallies. Four short years ago my son played in their band. Instantly I was brought back to parent pick-up lines, musicals, track practice, band camp, football games, and proms. The high school years turned our household upside down from 2008-2016 and then with one last cap and gown ceremony it was all over. Completely over. When an ending hits, it feels as though I’m drowning, reaching for a line to save me, but it’s too far off. I struggle to grab it and then finally realize I must relax, trust, and float until I find the branch that will lead me to a new beginning. I had found that branch yet here I was two years later watching from a distance at what was once my life. Emotions stirred.

My tears caught me by surprise because I’d had time to get used to this empty nest of mine. I’m enjoying my new mom role. It was tough at first when my daughter graduated I had to stay away from grocery stores because the sight of little ones shopping with their moms had me digging in my purse for tissues. Now I understand that even though my children don’t live at home anymore, I’m still an important part of their lives.

I love this new stage of life. My goal is to be the rock my children need as they’re off in the world learning who they are and what they want to do. While I’m not involved in their everyday life, I’m only a text or phone call away. I get to be their cheerleader and if needed their guidance counselor.  Meanwhile, I have more time than I’ve ever had to explore my own passions and create my future. My daughter and I joked that we could study for the GRE together.

Down below, the pep rally exploded with energy. I’d never heard so much screaming before 7:30 am! Students cheered, danced, and symbols crashed. What a way to begin my day! I couldn’t help but feel I had come full circle. As if this celebration at my children’s alma mater was symbolic both of an ending and a beginning. Wobble baby, wobble baby, wobble baby, wobble. I thought of the courageous dancers and vowed that with this new beginning I would listen for the rhythm of life always ready to drop everything and dance.