Money vs Humanity

“We all create the person we become by our choices as we go through life.” Eleanor Roosevelt

It was a Friday morning. I had just driven from Cape Coral, Florida to Champaign Illinois, over 1,100 miles in two days. Even after a good night’s sleep, my body and mind were exhausted. Arielle and I stopped at a restaurant for breakfast before meeting her roommates at their new apartment for move-in day. I needed coffee and lots of it!

An Awkward Situation

As we approached the door to the restaurant I saw a man standing outside. I knew what was coming and I also knew I didn’t have any cash. He asked us for money and I offered to buy him breakfast. Having two children that are now a teen and young adult has made me aware that my every action can immediately embarrass them. I try very hard to watch what I say and do when we’re out in public. Small talk is not my forte and my brutal honesty in what I’m thinking and feeling can make my children turn all shades of red. So, I’m careful. However, here was someone asking for my help and I couldn’t turn away.

When I’m exhausted, I’m prone to emotions I normally can keep buried, only to surface later in my writing. I observe, I feel, I write. It is only when I’m truly vulnerable that I will cry. And I’m one of those freak criers that will begin to cry and two seconds later, stop. I have an automatic tear shut-off valve.

My sadness will present itself in anger before tears. I’m very aware of this trait, and when I’m feeling a combination of exhaustion and sadness, I’ve learned to keep my mouth closed especially when my children are around.

Obvious Tension

We went into the restaurant to order. I immediately sensed tension in the employees behind the counter. I told the young man to order whatever he wanted. A manager came over and watched. She talked down to him telling him what he could and could not have.

We got our coffee and sat down at a table for two. I was trying very hard to balance helping a stranger, protecting my daughter and not embarrassing her, all while feeling completely emotionally drained and without my morning coffee. The man sat a table behind us.

The Lecture

Another manager came out with only one of the breakfast orders. She brought it to our table and asked who it was for. I told her it was for the man at the table next to ours. She asked me if I knew him. I told her I didn’t, I simply bought him breakfast. That’s when she began to lecture me for helping him. She told me the last time he showed up they called the police.

My heart hurt. I listened and felt the pain of a young man who was made to feel less than others; knowing that if I opened my mouth it would start a tirade of tears and words tangled with raw emotion. Part of me wanted to give my strong opinions on doing what’s right and lifting people up not tearing them down. Instead, I took my tongue lashing and gave her nothing to argue against. I just stared. Oh, the emotions flowing through me were intense. In that moment, I felt deep pain for a man whose life I knew nothing about but he deserved to be treated with respect. I couldn’t understand how the restaurant employees found it more appealing to bond together against him rather than reach out and help him.

We all ate our breakfast and left. Arielle and I didn’t discuss the incident until days later.

Two Sides

I raised my children to try to always see the other’s point of view in any given situation. To try to walk in another’s shoes before judging or condemning them, which never works out well for either party involved. So, now when I have conversations with my children they often will present me with different points of view. I’m proud of them for this, however, it can frightening for me when I want them to agree with me. But it’s not about agreeing or taking a side because taking sides means separation of individuals. It means the ego needs to be right, so just think how I think. That’s what gets us in trouble and can make us believe we are justified in our actions because we have many who think like us. I have always wanted my children to see people first. Humans, all of us, no matter what race, sexual orientation, religion, social status, or political affiliation. We are all humans with hearts. Strength is seeing someone’s heart before their differences.

Arielle told me she could see the manager’s argument because they can’t have a man asking their customers for money. They may lose customers. The manager was probably forced to say something to me or lose her job if customers complained to the corporate office.

I understood this. It is uncomfortable to be approached and asked for money. I think some people feel as though they’re being taken advantage of. They can think the person who asks for assistance is using the money for drugs or alcohol or they simply don’t want to work. This could be true in some cases, untrue in others, how do we really know?

I told Arielle that the manager could have gone outside and talked to the man, explained her point of view, listened to his, and come up with some sort of solution. She could have agreed to provide him with a meal at a certain time or offered him a job, or simply treated him with respect, instead she took a side, put up her walls, championed her employees against him, and on one occasion called the police. Then she felt justified to lecture her customer (me) on not helping the man.

The entire situation broke my heart. I think we all have to do what we feel is right when it comes to helping others. Why we give or don’t give to others is something we have to explore within. “We all create the person we become by our choices as we go through life.” It is my hope that the people we become are people with the ability to see the humanity in others.