The Habit of Loving Life

“You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and of every moment of your life.”  Walt Whitman

We stood in the elevator of the old hotel worn out from the previous evening with our friends, touring St. Pete breweries, playing games, talking, eating incredible food, and walking for miles. Just two couples celebrating a birthday.

A young family entered the elevator with their infant and two-year-old. My motherly instincts immediately kicked in, and I wanted to talk to the toddler, hold him, find a book and read to him, but he was wary of the two strangers standing next to his father. He clung to mother’s hand.

My husband said the two most common phrases uttered to parents of little ones, “You have your hands full.” followed by “It goes so fast.” I cringed. Those were the words we heard over and over especially when we were foster parents with five children under six.  I could sense the annoyance in the young couple’s reply to my husband’s words as if they wanted to scream, shut up!, we know it goes fast because everyone tells us, but I had four hours of sleep last night so really I wouldn’t mind jumping ahead to a time when I could sleep through the night again. Bring it on! I walked away wondering what would be an appropriate thing to say to new parents?

For those of us who have been there done that and now our children are out of the house, we know of the awakening that takes place once they’re gone. It’s bittersweet. The effects come in waves that bring the high of being able to forge a new path, to the lows of knowing a part of your life is over. A door has closed. It’s happiness for what was mixed with excitement for your children’s future dappled with sadness because even though everyone told you it goes fast you never really believed them, and now here you are–just the two of you trying to figure out what comes next. So the warning of it goes fast that empty nesters give is translation for: Wow, I feel really old because I raised my kids. I’m not sure if I did everything right or really appreciated all the incredible moments like when they fell asleep on my shoulder. Did I cherish it or rush them to bed in order to have time to myself or tackle the next chore? Now it’s over! It’s just us! It’s scary. Am I really that much older than you? Oh, God, I am.

I guess what I would say to new parents is that I understand it feels as though it will never end. I understand that some days are easier than others. I understand that having a little more time for yourself or as a couple is something you crave.That’s normal. And I certainly understand that by saying enjoy every moment because it goes fast is not the best advice when you’re in midst of temper tantrums, sleepless nights, and battles over whose turn it is to get up with the kids.

I would say to let your children teach you what they know, and that’s that life is a gift. In all your responsibilities try to stop and view life through your children’s eyes. There’s magic, wonder and excitement in each day. When you build a Lego car and race it on a track, bake a cake, or hold a sparkler and see the awe in your child’s expression then you see the dazzle of the light of every moment. Try to let go of the thoughts of I should… and enjoy, playing with, holding, cuddling, reading, and especially talking with your children. Time flies when you’re distracted so try to choose good distractions.

The more you dazzle yourself with the light and wonder that is in a day the greater appreciation you will have for life, and that’s a habit you want your children to develop. The habit of loving life.

Happy 4th!