How An Act Of Betrayal Led Me To Kindness
The past sixteen months have been the most challenging for me since 2003 when my children were in the car accident that changed our lives.
I’ve felt as though I’ve been trapped in the eye of a hurricane afraid to venture out for fear of the chaos that will ensue. If I stay safe in the quiet a little longer, maybe I’ll figure out which path to follow, have the courage to brave the storm, and begin a new journey. The job I considered most important, being a mom, has slowed to a snail’s pace leaving me wondering what’s next. The future I thought we had here in Cape Coral was suddenly threatened when my husband’s company was sold. We were betrayed by someone we trusted and the reality of how cutthroat business can be struck me to my core.
The uncertainty I’ve felt has been a reminder of the day we found out, our daughter, Arielle was paralyzed. Life changes in an instant. How could I have been so blind and not planned for the possibility that my husband could lose his job? We trusted. We were shocked. I was shattered. Uncertainty suddenly became part of our daily lives, and I’ve been grappling with it ever since. I suppose calm waters can only last so long before a storm appears forcing you to travel in a different direction.
I began planning in an attempt to regain control of our lives. We could start over and move to California. No, North Carolina. It was more affordable. I’d go back to teaching and Eric well, he’s the most intelligent, positive, upbeat person I know, a great leader. He’d find a job. Maybe we could start our own business. My mind screamed for a plan. Meanwhile, Eric took all the changes like a pro and began working more hours than ever before. He loved the new direction of the company, and he cared so much about the business and their customers that his need to make everything better at work became his priority. While I was happy for him, I felt as though I was drowning. The uncertainty of my future as a writer mixed with my youngest son leaving for college, mixed with the reality that my husband’s job could end any day, pushed me deeper into the depths of myself. What do I do now?
As I sank, I thought about everything that was happening and tried to reach for a line that would pull me back to the surface. There was no sense in worrying. What happens, happens. I couldn’t control other people’s behavior, but I could control mine.
I think the lesson that spoke loudest was how our behavior reflects on others. The simple act of either being selfish and looking out for our own needs or having an attitude of wanting to help others, wanting to make a difference, can set into motion a chain of events that can either hurt or inspire others. We can leave behind a legacy of pushing others down while trying to raise ourselves up or one of reaching out and lifting others to join us as we climb. I’ll never forget the time I carried Arielle’s wheelchair up a flight of subway stairs and strangers beside me reached out and grabbed the sides of the wheelchair to assist me. The kindness of strangers filled me with a sense of peace.
Recently, I watched an interview with Howard Schultz of Starbucks. He said, “In anything we do, any endeavor, it’s not what you do it’s why you do it.” If you own a business is it simply for your own profit? Do you care about what you’re doing? Do you care about the employees and their families and how your choices will impact them? Do you care about your customers? Why own a business? What is the purpose? If it’s not to help people and make a difference, then people will get hurt which ultimately will hurt you. We all know money can make life easier and give us a false sense of importance, but it doesn’t equal happiness. Ever. So, what does equal happiness? For me, it’s in moments that also involve the happiness of others.
Sitting in the eye of this storm of change has made me more aware of the kind of life I want to lead. Making a difference has always been a value I’ve held in high regard. The seed was planted the day I watched my grandmother take a box of new toys from her closet and tell me they were for kids in the hospital. The message, be kind to others even if they’re strangers. I think if we strive to be kind in our everyday lives it puts us on a path for success because it removes our focus from ourselves and our wants and places them on others, reminding us of our humanity. If we ask ourselves the question, “Am I being kind to that person, customer, employee, child, teacher, artist, stranger?” It reminds us how our minute to minute daily lives can make a difference in someone else’s life. And we may never know the impact we could have. Perhaps our kindness will begin as a spark and turn into a blazing fire.
This past weekend Eric and I took a trip to New York City. Broadway shows fuel my creativity. Hours before we were to fly home we went to see FUN HOME. We had excellent seats that allowed us to be close to the actors. I was moved by the story and the performances. When it ended, I stood up, clapping, fighting back the tears. Then I saw one of the actors mouth the word, “Wow!” The look on her face shocked me because all I kept thinking was, didn’t she know how good they were? Her happiness made me happy. All I did was stand up and clap. That’s what we can do for each other every day. One gesture, one compliment, a sincere, “How are you?” We all can make a difference. We have our storms that can become so rough we feel as though we must hang on for our lives–do what we need to do to survive. But what if in the midst of our storm we hold the intention of kindness and focus a light on someone else? And what if that person shines a light and so on and so on. Suddenly the dark isn’t as scary because we are surrounded by light. That light is a smile. That light is hope. That light is a message that whispers, “everything will be okay.” That light is kindness. When we stand in kindness our actions reflect the light.
