Decide

To decide or not decide. I’m an expert at thinking things over for an indiscriminate amount of time. There’s freedom in deciding not to decide. I can dip my toe in the water and then take time to think some more. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow…

But if I waffle too long the freedom of not choosing builds a wall of fear that leaves me feeling trapped, powerless.

My greatest joy is when I finally decide on the path I will take. I will train for a race. I will begin a new novel. That moment is magic! A weight is lifted. I’ve chosen. My journey begins. My focus is fueled by purpose. The doubts creep in daily. On a good day, I’ll recognize the doubts as a fearful story, I’m imagining, and I’ll keep going. If I fall, I get back up. If I fall again, I get back up. If there’s one thing running and writing have taught me it’s the importance of perseverance. Some days I can write or run for hours. Other days the resistance is great, and two miles or two paragraphs is all I can manage. Learning how to celebrate on those days instead of berating myself was a lesson that took me a long time to learn. Now, I understand that even on the days where I accomplish less, I’m still moving forward. Accepting those days and persisting has always led to days where I’ve achieved more than I thought was possible.

If there’s one thing I know to be true.

It’s…

Nothing happens until I decide.