Embracing Uncertainty
“I’m going back.” That’s what I told my husband on the way home from the airport. He smiled because after twenty-six years together he knows. Just nod and smile. I was talking about The Chopra Center. I learned a lot in four days. I knew after I put into practice what I learned I’d have more questions and have to return. My previous two posts have been about lessons I needed to hear while I was there, The first was Worry Is Not Love, the second was I don’t have to believe my thoughts or Limiting Beliefs and the third lesson, the one I underlined in my notebook and wrote, this is why I’m here! Embracing Uncertainty. This was a huge a-ha moment for me because even though I had had a lot of uncertainty in my past that turned out better than I imagined, at some point I had forgotten how to trust the unknown.
The past four years have turned my world upside down. It began with my daughter graduating high school in 2012. Suddenly I was hit with the shock of, “It’s over!” The part of parenting that was all I knew for eighteen years where everyone’s living at home…done! There was great uncertainty that came with letting go of that life.
Slowly I adjusted as I realized parenting changes, it doesn’t stop. I could concentrate more on my career. Writing. However, writing brings a tremendous amount of uncertainty. Even though I had learned to trust that every week I’d have a topic for this blog and that when I sat down to work on my novel the words would come I did not call upon that trust when it came to expectations I had for my career as a writer. The uncertainty sat on my shoulder like a devil whispering fearful phrases that told me I wasn’t good enough, my goals would never come to fruition, no one was going to like my stories. I questioned why I spent hours writing when there was no guarantee anyone would ever read my novels. I thought about getting a Master’s degree or going back to teaching full-time because those were things I could plan, execute, and accomplish. Even though I knew I was on the right path as a writer my fear of having been on that path for years and not knowing what was ahead grew with each day that led closer to my son’s, my youngest, high school graduation.
I did whatever I could to try to escape the unrest I felt inside. I distracted myself with puppies and a trip to New York City. I ran a marathon and began a new novel. Then I flew to the Chopra Center in California. California where it all began twenty-seven years ago when at nineteen I boarded a plane for Los Angeles without a job or a place to live. Just me and a suitcase. I told the taxi driver to take me to the beach. Six months later I met my husband Eric. Where was that person? What had happened to her? She couldn’t be the same one who was worried about driving from San Diego to The Chopra Center in Carlsbad in the rain at 1 am. Yep, it was. She had become a mom with responsibilities, bills, and a house to organize. She forgot what it was like to face uncertainty with excitement and hope. Luckily, I was given a reminder.
“Uncertainty is the fertile ground of creativity and freedom.” Deepak Chopra
I believe it was Sara Harvey the COO of the Chopra Center who said, “embrace uncertainty.” I liked the word embrace. It was much better than accept because in my mind’s eye I pictured a hug. Embrace it, love it. This immediately took away my fear. Sara explained that when we are able to let go of our expected outcome we open the door for an even greater outcome, perhaps one we never imagined.
Life is full of uncertainty and fearing it causes anxiety especially when we’re faced with life changes such as graduations, an empty nest, moving, divorce, retirement, or illness. I needed to remember my younger self who viewed the unknown as it really is–a sea of possibility. I didn’t fear the storms back then I set sail for a great adventure.
And what an adventure it’s been so far! Now onto the next!
