The Gift of Time

Time

My husband received this poster in the mail: A 90-Year Human Life in Weeks

My heart pounded, panic gripped me. I found my age, looked at how many boxes were left and told myself to breathe! The poster represented how I’ve felt since I was a teen. Time passing day by day. Now here it was right in front of me little boxes, a chart, showing how much time I’d have if I was lucky enough to live to ninety.

It may sound morbid, but this really has been how I’ve felt for most of my life. A soft whisper from within nudging me, Are you making a difference? Are you making this world a better place?

When my kids lived at home, they were the main focus. I’d hoped I was raising them to look outside themselves and want to make a difference in their community. As a teacher, I taught empathy, showing children how to be kind. The years of teaching and raising my kids flowed from one day to the next, one school year to the next, until I found myself in an empty house with all this TIME  not regretting a minute I had taken to devote to my children, but wondering what was next. The whisper started shouting! What are you going to do to make a difference?

At first, I reasoned what was next was a break. I’d been caring for kids and animals since I was nineteen and now it was me time. Writing novels and training for a marathon became my break, but it didn’t take long before it wasn’t enough. The shouting returned. Hello, turn off the TV. Pick up a book. Oh and, what are you doing to make a difference?

Finally, I stopped beating myself up for all the things I wasn’t doing and began looking into things I could do. I sought out volunteer opportunities, I enrolled in a master level social work class, I started subbing at a school for teen moms, I took an open-end high school teaching job all in an effort to find what it was I was supposed to be doing because I had the gift of time, an awareness that it was a gift and a drive to do my part to make this world a better place.

Going back into the classroom was an aha for me because in my mind I had to do something grand like start a nonprofit, but being in the classroom brought joy and a lightness to my life. When I witnessed one student coaching another to complete a project or a student comforting another I began to see the greatness in the difference we can make in each others lives every day. The whisper that had been shouting grew quiet. I was aware that each day I could choose kindness, compassion, empathy along with curiosity and emulate those qualities and that in itself was teaching me how to be a better person as well as influencing others. In other words, instead of thinking I wouldn’t be successful unless I started a nonprofit I realized I could make a difference every day through teaching or subbing or being a Guardian ad Litem.

Every so often I look at the Human Life in Weeks Chart.  I like to think of my ninety-year-old self.  When she looks back over the years, I hope she’ll be happy with how I’ve spent my time. She’ll ask, did I make a difference with the weeks that led to years? Did I love enough? Did I stay curious and pursue lifelong learning? Did I unwrap the gift of time recognize its value and live to make a difference?